By Lisa M. Petsche
For Coastal Parent

As the holidays fast approach, retailers are doing their best to convince us that the holidays are all about purchasing stuff: expensive gifts, gorgeous decorations, fancy food - all in large quantities. Not surprisingly, many people - especially parents - cite over-spending as one of the biggest sources of holiday stress.

Instead of taking the time to figure out what our budget will reasonably allow and to consider what we're willing to spend and how, some of us just go out and start buying. We choose gifts - most often paid for with credit cards - based on emotion or impulse (or panic if we're last-minute shoppers), then regret our short-sightedness when the bills eventually arrive. It takes the average credit card user 4-6 months to pay off holiday purchases.

Before we make any more trips to the mall or do any more online shopping, we'd be wise to review the typical flow of money and material goods in and out of our lives, especially during the holidays. What does the pattern say about our priorities as parents, and as stewards of Earth's precious resources, which we know are in jeopardy? Is it in keeping with our core values and beliefs? A poll conducted by the Center for a New American Dream - a non-profit organization dedicated to raising public awareness of the hidden costs of excessive consumption - found that 84 percent of respondents wanted a less materialistic holiday. For those who feel that way, the center has produced a helpful brochure titled "Simplify the Holidays" (available for downloading at www.newdream.org/holiday/brochure.html).

It encourages us to reflect upon the kind of celebration we consider most meaningful: perhaps one that's more family focused, more spiritual, more environmentally friendly, more charitable or all of the above. And it asks, "What kind of holiday memories do you want to create for your children and yourself?" If we don't give it some thought now, we're likely to get caught up once again in a frenzy of shopping, wrapping, baking, cooking, cleaning and entertaining, to the point where we're exhausted and disillusioned, unable to experience the joy of the season.

Reducing the number of gifts on our list can be part of the solution to this craziness. One way to do this is to encourage and offer to organize gift pools within our circle of family or friends. Another simplification strategy might involve tactfully asking grandparents or other relatives to modify the number or magnitude of gifts they give our kids.

We might also want to consider more meaningful and in many cases less costly and more environmentally friendly alternatives to the usual store-bought stuff we give. These include: homemade gifts - a handcrafted item or baked goods, for instance; gifts of time, involving a service like babysitting or a talent such as hairstyling or photography; gifts of experience that allow the recipient to try something new, like a sport or a musical instrument, or an offer to teach a skill we possess, such as sewing or woodworking; gifts the whole family can enjoy together - for example, a large jigsaw puzzle or tickets to a cultural event; and charitable donations in the name of loved ones. We can let others know we'd welcome these types of gifts as well.

A few years ago, the CNAD sponsored a young people's essay/art contest with the theme, "What I really want that money can't buy." Entrants' number one request was for more of their parents' time and unconditional love. That's serious food for thought, especially during this peak time of hyper-consumerism, when many parents will spend hundreds of dollars per child over a few short weeks, without a second thought.

While we might be giving until it hurts (although we probably won't feel the pain until January or February), perhaps we're overlooking the most valuable kinds of gifts we have to offer our children and others. They never involve any regret, either.

Lisa M. Petsche is a mother of three and freelance journalist.