By Pat Mooney
For Coastal Parent

Jimmy and his buddy Johnny are 16 years old. They're out in the back yard on the other side of the camellia bushes and it's a beautiful, sunny fall day. They have two Marlboros, swiped from John senior's pack, and a lighter and they are about to begin killing themselves.

They want to be grown up and cool. They've seen the ads with the rugged looking cowboy and they've seen adults with cigarettes. Jimmy's older brother and his friends look cool when they're smoking after school and they sometimes tease Jimmy for not smoking.

The lighter flares, the lips purse, the end of the cigarette glows. Jimmy nearly throws up he coughs so hard, but, after the coughing stops, he takes another drag. He's dizzy now and sits down. Johnny gives the encore performance. They look at each other through watery eyes and if they weren't so sure that they were being cool, they would be sure that they were sick enough to be excused from school the next day. Undaunted by their body's rejection of the fumes, they sneak back out in a few days for another smoke. Soon it becomes easy to smoke and not smoking will be the hard task.

They will be as addicted as any heroin addict. They won't have needle marks to show for it. They will have yellow teeth, bad breath, stinky clothes, stained fingers and a pasty complexion instead. If they don't kick their addiction, lung cancer, emphysema, heart problems, stroke and other illnesses loom in their future.

It's safe to say that parents who don't smoke, or are former smokers, don't want their kids to smoke. Most parents who are smokers want to quit and would rather their kids not follow them down "tobacco road." But kids will be kids and they will make their own decisions and mistakes. The tobacco companies, in spite of their denials, market their wares persuasively to this population and there still is a sense, in some circles, that trying cigarettes is an expected right of passage for teens.

What can we do, as parents and as a society, to vaccinate our children against the addictive lure of tobacco in its various forms?

First, communicate with your kids about this and other important issues and start early. Note - this is not "lecture your kids." This is talk and listen. Talk about peer pressure and how to resist. Listen for their experiences with peer pressure and applaud times when they've been able to resist negative influences. Coach them on various ways to refuse from "just say no," to walking away, to not hanging with smokers in the first place.

Talk about how free speech is essential to our way of life but opens the door for tobacco companies to spend $9.7 billion a year recruiting replacements for the smokers who die or quit. Talk about how the primary purpose of marketing is to sell products and influence perceptions. Listen for times when they exercise good critical judgment and see through the product placements, hype and false glamorization.

Talk about the real consequences of smoking that you don't see in Hollywood or in advertising. (One of the Marlboro Man models died of lung cancer. The Winston man had a stroke. Most people know someone with a smoking related illness.) Talk about the cost in dollars and cents and ask how they could better spend their money. And while we're talking dollars and cents, support high cigarette taxes since that is one of the most effective ways to deter teen smoking.

Talk about how firmly you oppose tobacco use and what the consequences will be should they start. Take the time to think through what consequences you will deliver if your child starts smoking. Make sure they are clear and enforceable. Can you live with them without giving in a few days or weeks later? If not, rethink the consequences. It's usually much worse to "give in" to a punished child's complaints by shortening the "grounding" (or whatever consequence you've delivered) than it is to have no punishment at all. Giving in to whining and sulking is guaranteed to get more whining and sulking and the initial problem behavior returns anyway.

If you decide (and occasionally this makes sense) that the smoking battle is one that you chose not to fight, then convey to your child that this is a deliberate decision and does not mean that you approve of smoking or that you are ignorant of the natural consequences of smoking. Let them know that you will help when they try to quit.

Secondly, walk the talk. If you smoke, stop. If you're having trouble stopping, get help. Call the American Cancer Society, the American Lung Association, the American Heart Association or your local hospital. Talk to your doctor. Go to stop smoking seminars. Do whatever it takes to rid yourself of the addiction. (On average, people make four attempts at quitting before they're successful.) Not addicted? Great. Stopping will be easy.

If it's just not in the cards for you to give up smoking at this time, then don't smoke around the kids and keep your cigarettes inaccessible to them. Support smoke-free restaurants and other establishments by spending your money there and letting them know that the clean air is one reason you come to their establishment.

Encourage your kids to be active in sports. Besides being good for them in many other ways, children who are involved in sports are 40 percent less likely to be regular smokers and 50 percent less likely to be heavy smokers. Pay attention to your youngster's peer group. Are they basically good kids? Are they involved in wholesome activities? Are there smokers in the group? Help your child learn about cultivating healthy friendships.

Good communication, modeling and positive activities are important because, they help children learn that they are valued and important and that they can make good choices as they go through life. They're a breath of fresh air.

Pat Mooney is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Savannah. You can e-mail him with suggestions for future columns at: patmooneylcsw@bellsouth.net