Sabrina Manganella Simmons
Coastal Parent

Attention Dads: mothers day shopping made easy Go online and check out these great local day spas. Most spas offer packages, and gift certificates. Vanilla Day Spa www.vanilladayspa (912) 232-0040 Spantaneity www.spatanity (912) 927-1818 Savannah Day Spa www.savannah dayspa.com (912) 234 9100 A two-hour house cleaning, with two maids, from Merry Maids, costs about $130 (912) 356-3366 go to the website for a $25 off coupon, www.merrymaids.com. Check the yellow pages for more services.

I still treasure the home-made card my husband crafted for me on my first Mothers Day. What I do not treasure, and wish that I had the courage to burn, are the photos of me, fat as a cow, in a bizarre pastel green churchy outfit, holding my infant daughter, squinting into the sun.

We went out to brunch at a fancy country club, because we figured that was what Mother's Day was all about.

I remember trying to nurse my daughter in the fancy country club bathroom. She kept pulling off me, watching mothers in pastel dresses walk in and out of the bathroom. Then she'd latch on again, drink furiously, only to pull off again and stare like a deer in headlights, to the next group of chattering women.

Every women felt the need to make some type of comment to me, as I tried my best to maintain some sense of modesty.

Later, as I ate while bouncing my daughter on my lap with a look of gratitude pasted on my face, I silently and tackily calculated the price of the brunch. Hell, I could have had a Swedish massage for the price of that meal.

I have time now, after the post partum insanity has passed, to daydream about what I'd really want for a Mother's Day present, and have been mildly embarrassed in my self-evaluation that what I really want for Mothers Day is to forget about being a mother.

I want a day to parade around town like the "Sex in the City" girlfriends (before Miranda had her baby). I want cool clothes, spas, brunch with girlfriends, and shopping. I want time.

Not that I'd trade in my kids for couture, but sometimes a woman needs a break. I'm 33. That's still young in New York.

And here is a news bulletin to all married fathers of school age and under children: Mother's Day is not about what the kids get mommy, it is about what you get mommy. She gave birth to your children. Now you get to say thank you again and again on the yearly ritual of Mother's Day.

A Mother's Day present does not have to be expensive, but if you have money by all means spend it liberally.

A day of pampering at a day spa, spring cleaning by a maid, getting her car detailed, anything luxiurious and decadent, will make her feel appreciated and loved.

Cash in a card, with the intent that she shops for her own present while you babysit the kids really isn't cheesy, and you don't have to go to the mall. Warning: don't let this gift backfire by not giving her enough cash to buy a decent gift for herself. $20 is not enough.

Are you an artistic type who is perrenially low on funds? Don't despair. Hard labor will do just fine. You could put the kids to bed for a week, do all the dishes for the week, clean the windows, give her a day off to do something fun with her girlfriends,etc. I hope my husband reads this.

And if none of these ideas sound like your wife would like them, here are a few don'ts to steer you from the sirens of advertising calling out to you with bad ideas.

We don't want boxes of chocolate because we have to buy swimming suits soon.

We don't want an e-mailed card - God! After all we've done for you and the kids!

We don't want you to pick out some weird perfume for us.

We do want anything that says you love us, and you were thinking of us, and that we are treasured. Because when all is said and done, all a mom really wants is to be reminded that she is an individual who has made the great choice to marry you and bear your children - plus bragging rights with her girlfriends over brunch and mimosas at some chic restaurant that is decidedly not family-friendly.